aquarium
by not a straight trumpet
Summary: Kumiko runs into someone after getting lost. Complicated, confusing discussions ensue.


**a/n:** *asuka voice* i don't need another friend. i already have, like, two.

so i started writing this immediately after the pv came out (my feelings about the pv can be described by endless screaming) without much of an idea as to where it would go and then i started talking with tumblr user iwannafeellikeseabreeze (who is Cool btw) and it became an asuka-centric fic. yeah.

* * *

"What awaits them . . . heaven . . . or _hell?"_ Asuka had been breathing into the toy - some kind of voice modifier - for the past forty minutes as the band wandered through the aquarium - a "bonding exercise," as Taki called it - and it was getting on Kumiko's nerves more than she would have liked to admit. Haruka - who had admitted to giving her the present in the first place - had simply been trailing behind the group with a resigned slump of her shoulders.

"How long do you think she'll keep that up?" Hazuki asked. Kumiko shrugged.

"She's really great at enduring anything that comes her way!" Midori piped up, falling into pace beside Hazuki. "I wouldn't be surprised if she did it for the rest of the day!"

"Great," Natsuki groaned. "Why're we here, anyway?"

"Taki-sensei said that this would be a helpful bonding experience," Reina said. "I trust his judgement."

"Yeah, _of course_ you do," Yuuko snickered. Natsuki shot her a glare. "What? It's true."

"Doesn't mean ya have to be that blunt about it, ribbon girl." The aquarium, Kumiko noticed, was eerily empty save for a few families and the large crowd of teenagers surrounding her - bandmates who had begrudgingly been dragged along.

"You're one to talk! _It's my love through harassment,_ you say, right in front of everyone!"

"Ya can't hate the charm _that_ much, since it's right there on your bag." Natsuki pinched one of the flaps of Yuuko's ribbon between her fingers and pointed it down at her bag, where the oversized charm dangled to and fro as the band continued along.

"Ah, a lovers' quarrel, I see!" Asuka momentarily dropped the toy to hover over the group with her usual crooked grin. Reina bristled. "I remember those. Messy, they were always messy, though I'd be lying if I said they didn't usually end well." Asuka spoke with a hint of nostalgia in her voice, but there was no sadness to be held in her face, in the overly-casual way she carried herself, or in the sing-song tone with which she picked up the next sentence. "It's all such a funny thing, isn't it?"

"What is?" Natsuki muttered.

"Life." With that, Asuka pranced off, humming to herself as she did so. From the back, Kumiko could see Haruka and Kaori look after her rapidly disappearing figure with concern in their eyes, but she didn't ask them why. There was something there, Kumiko knew, some unspoken history between the three, but it wasn't something she wished to pry further upon. There was safety, of sorts, to keep that kind of thing hidden. Those three were her superiors, and by all means she felt as if it would be best to leave them alone. Still, she couldn't help but wonder if there was a cautionary tale to be had in their lives.

 _That's dumb,_ she thought, pushing her own ideas out of her head. _They're people, not stories for the rest of us to learn from._ Asuka turned the corner and disappeared. _Their stories aren't mine to hear._

"Kumiko?" Reina gently, quickly squeezed her hand, so quick that nobody else saw, but Kumiko was grateful for the small source of comfort. "You seemed somewhat lost in your own thoughts, is everything alright?"

"Y-yeah, I'm fine," Kumiko reassured her. "I'm completely fine, just great, not a problem at all, nope!" Natsuki rolled her eyes.

"Whatever ya say," she sighed. Reina simply nodded once and then went ahead to join the front of the group as a school of brightly-colored fish swam by.

* * *

Lunch came and went quicker than Kumiko would have expected, but she managed to distract herself with the octopus that crawled along the wall with slow, deliberate motions as her classmates chattered beside her. Reina had told her beforehand that she was going to sit at the opposite end of the food court ("to keep up appearances, to dissolve any suspicion," she had said, and Kumiko had reluctantly agreed) while Midori rambled on about the newest line of Tuba-kun merchandise as Hazuki sat in rapt attention. Asuka was still nowhere to be found, but Haruka and Kaori seemed to be the only ones who noticed.

Kumiko looked down at the tiled floor, trying her best to block out the mind-numbing din of her bandmates. The octopus wasn't interesting enough to hold her attention for long, however, and she soon found herself feeling restless and lonely among the group. It was 'loud,' so very loud, and that octopus just kept on crawling along the edge of its tank and Kumiko couldn't take it anymore, she couldn't take it anymore and-

"T-Taki-sensei?" The advisor turned to face her, adjusting his glasses as he set down his notes.

"Yes?"

"Could I, uh, go to the b-bathroom? I'll be quick, I promise!" Taki looked down at her trembling fists and nodded. Reina looked up for a moment, but Kumiko had already broken away from the group.

* * *

 _"The moray eel is . . ."_

The near-indiscernible voiceovers across the aquarium made it feel all the creepier as Kumiko wandered down the hallways, past fish and gift shops and seahorses and things she couldn't name. The bathroom - not that it had been an actual place she was looking for - was nowhere to be found, and Kumiko became dimly aware of the fact that she was entering a darker area of the aquarium, away from the families and their children, and she shuddered involuntarily. The tanks surrounding her from most angles were nearly filled with dark rocks, the water casting a greenish glow across the dark gray walls. A lone figure stood ahead, and Kumiko approached them with hesitation. Before she could actually make sense of who they were, some gigantic beast knocked its head against the glass, and she jumped.

"You must not be a fan of the deep sea, hmm?" Kumiko stiffened. Asuka stood in front of one of the tanks, the water lighting up her face with an unsettling glow. "What brings you here, then, young traveler?"

"They're looking for you, y'know," Kumiko said.

"Oh, I'm sure that they are," Asuka airily sighed, leaning against the glass with a hand pressed to her forehead.

"Would it b-be okay if I, uh, stayed here for a little while?" Asuka clenched the voice modifier in her hand and nodded.

"I don't control where you get to sit," she muttered, turning back to face the tank. "Be my guest." There was a pause as Kumiko settled on the bench.

"You should, uh, g-go back," Kumiko mumbled, finding herself tongue-tied in Asuka's presence. The bench was cold, sticky, and she thought of the busy food court with an odd sort of longing. "I've only been gone for a few minutes, but you've been missing for _hours._ Haruka and Kaori are probably really worried, y'know."

"Sure they are." Kumiko could see Asuka's veins pop from the back of her hand as she kept a tight hold on the toy. "It doesn't concern me much."

"You don't care?" Asuka dropped the toy. It clattered to the ground, skidding across the tile floor.

"I don't."

"Why not? Why don't you . . . why aren't you even t-thinking about them?"

"You're familiar with ambition, aren't you, _Ku-mi-ko?_ " Asuka exaggerated each syllable, as if she was trying out the word on her tongue for the first time. "You know what it takes, don't you? To succeed?"

"Eh?" _What does that have to do with it?_

"I'm the first to admit that I'm not . . . particularly warm, to those I'm not concerned with deeply, and even the ones I _am_ close with are never my first priority. Do you want to know why that is?" Kumiko gulped. "It's because they're not going to help me in the long run." The water and fish casted shadows over Asuka's tie, green and black speckles dancing across it.

"What?" The air conditioning blew through the hallway, artificial and cold as it buffered Asuka's hair ever-so-slightly.

"People leave, Kumiko. They leave, and then they-"

"Why does that mean you have to distance yourself from them?"

"It doesn't, not really. I simply don't care." Kumiko felt as if she might as well be talking to the fish.

"But _why_ don't you care?" she pressed on. Asuka tapped her foot impatiently, and the sound echoed around the room.

"What are you expecting, Kumiko?" she sighed. "Some awful sob story of how my father left me when I was young, some long-remembered scar that won't let me go? An explanation, right? You want an explanation?" Asuka's voice had turned bitter, sharp, venom-tongued, and Kumiko hated it, she hated it all.

"Y-yeah," she stuttered. "Yeah, I want an explanation."

"Here's your explanation - I can't be bothered to give less of a crap, and that's all there is to it." Asuka picked up the toy from where it lay, scratched, on the floor, and started to walk away. "Ah, Kumiko, you gentle child. You're so very naive."

"Asuka!" Kaori and Haruka turned the corner, concern evident on their faces, and Asuka gave Kumiko one last look before walking over to the duo. "Oh, thank goodness you're safe!"

"We thought you might have gotten lost!"

"Ah, as if _I_ would have gotten lost?" Asuka smirked, and Kumiko backed away slowly, still trembling.

* * *

She hadn't really planned to tell Reina, not initially, but it soon became too much of a burden to keep it from at least one person. The bus ride back was a long one, however, and Kumiko found herself spilling the story to Reina as the third-years trailed two buses behind them. Reina said nothing, not until the very end, when Kumiko felt raw and tired and frankly a bit sad.

"She didn't give you an actual answer?" Kumiko shook her head. "Why did it upset you, then?"

"S-she just . . . didn't care, at all, and it was . . . I can't really say this without sounding stupid, but it was _scary._ She didn't care! She didn't care that her friends were p-probably worried sick, she didn't care about _anything!"_ Kumiko thought back to the morning, the easy banter between her and her friends that felt so natural and happy and _good,_ and she couldn't even begin to fathom how someone would leave that behind.

"Perhaps she's lonely."

"She has friends. They care about her, they care _so much,_ but she hardly paid any attention to them. Not to mention the fact that she's just so _cool,_ anyone would follow her if they didn't . . . if they didn't know . . ."

"You would follow her, too?"

"If I didn't h-have you, and Hazuki and Midori, and Natsuki and even Yuuko? Yeah, probably. She's got that aura about her, you want to follow her around, y'know?"

"I've never been one to follow the crowds, but I understand where you're coming from."

"I still don't get it, though."

"Hmm?"

"How could she give it all up so . . . so _easily?_ She just _stood_ there, watching those _stupid_ fish while Haruka and Kaori probably thought she was _hurt_ or something, why wouldn't she stay with them?"

"People aren't always as they seem, Kumiko, and not everyone is a model citizen. There are flawed individuals - all of us are flawed, honestly - and some people just don't hold the feelings of others in the highest regard. They think that they're better than them, or they value their own personal goals more, or they just don't realize it. It's human nature at its best and its worst, I think." The bus hit a pothole. "I try my best to keep most people at a distance, for both my sake and theirs." Reina had intertwined Kumiko's fingers with her own, and Kumiko was grateful for the warm sensation. "I want to become special, and I doubt that I'll ever be able to be quite as . . . open, as some of your friends." Hazuki was prodding Midori with a gigantic stuffed shark a few seats down as Midori fought back with her bag. "Still, I care. I try my best to care, at least." Kumiko looked down at her hands, locked with Reina's in a firm embrace.

"You care a lot, Reina," she murmured, and she thought of Asuka's cold stare in the dark blue-green aquarium. "I do, too."

"We're almost back at the school."

"We w-won't turn out like them, right?"

"I doubt it." That, Kumiko thought, was probably Reina's way of consoling her, and she was more grateful for it than she could express in that moment, on that bus bumping down the highway as the aquarium drifted further and further away.

"I hope we don't."

* * *

 **a/n:** welcome to the black parade started playing on shuffle while i was editing this, which i'm going to take as proof that reina was an emo kid in middle school


End file.
